A story told by four pairs of shoes:
I got the first pair because I managed to get a trial at this amazing, vegan café which happens to be incredibly hip and right in the middle of Fitzroy. I got the first pair because I wanted everyone there to know that I am one of their own. Because I wanted to look the part.
I still love that pair. And the café. I just never got to work there.
The second pair because, after months of formal job applications, interviews and jobs falling through at the last minute, I finally got a badass job with a firm of financial advisers. The second pair fits well and is incredibly comfortable.
Finally, I am doing work that I know well and that keeps me busy all day. I am working three days a week, getting a chance to go to auditions and the odd shoot on my days off.
Even being painstakingly slow at making new friends when adjusting to a new environment isn’t stopping me from already forming friendships with my colleagues. In my head, so far. Only a matter of time until they manifest.
I am happy to come to work. Most days I arrive at work feeling a little lost and lonely, living in a new city by myself, but go home feeling like I matter.
I didn’t move across the country, away from the support I truly, actually desperately need, so I could work for financial advisers but I am very happy here. I am thrilled with this little spot I have found.
I get here early every morning, happily, and despite the mess that is my personal life, I make sure to give it everything I have for those three days.
“Are those your shoes?”
I am looking down at the shoes I’m wearing. On my feet.
Yes, those were my shoes.
“Well.. they’re not very CORPORATE.”
The third pair because, well.. the second pair was not very ‘corporate’.
This pair does not fit very well and I would not want my (actual) friends see me wear it but I do love my new job, very much.
Two months into my new job and I am walking into the office with a smile on my face. I am happy to be greeted by so many smiles, I am ready for another week, surrounded by people I knew cared.
I got the forth pair because my manager had a look at the end of month reports. That I had done by myself just once. This time.
The forth pair because she had found that one of my journals was wrong.
The forth pair because I made too many mistakes.
The forth pair because just two weeks ago I was told how quick I am to pick everything up in my new job.
The forth pair because tomorrow, I have a trial in a restaurant.
The forth pair because I have no clue what actually happened.
The forth pair because even though I feel churned out, even though the world feels like an unfair and harsh place right now, I know that life goes on.
The forth pair because now I know to simply stand up for myself before it’s too late.
The forth pair because I refuse to feel defeated by the harshness in this world.
The forth pair to remind myself that I am exactly where I need to be.