I’m currently reading a wonderful book by Karen Wilson called ‘7 Illusions’, teaching me that everything we say is ultimately either based on love, or based on fear. The first thing this new lesson encouraged me to do, is to pay close attention to the things I say. I started watching out for any gossip, and anything that is clearly based on negative emotions and that isn’t serving me. Then I started to apply the same principle to what other people were saying (NOT helpful, but I couldn’t avoid it). And some people that I see on a regular basis stood out. All I heard was negative, was based on fear, and felt so ugly. I felt overwhelmed by it. It started to get to me.
My frustrations are triggered by people around me who thrive on negative emotions and circumstances. It’s not just that they’re not walking around with a big smile on their faces, or that they share a lot of negative stories and always seem a little disgruntled.
It seems that they whole life, their whole existence, only makes sense to them, if they paint absolutely everything black.
Even any sliver of positivity can never exist in their world without (them creating) a little (or massive) shit storm with it. What I mean is that they may see the positives from time to time, “but it doesn’t matter that the sun shines bright today because I’m still f*n living in this f*d up city!”
It gets to me that some of us choose the dark side. And that we choose to stay on that side, and choose to make our misery some form of entertainment. It really gets under my skin. Why would we waste all our time talking about things in our lives that we clearly don’t enjoy with some sort of ‘smile’ on our face?
I don’t mean laughing it off, if we drop our phone and crack the screen while running for the bus that we then miss anyway. Which makes us late for an important meeting at work. I don’t mean sharing that we fell off our bike (yes we DO have a collective bike in this scenario) and have a massive bruise in the shape of Ohio on our bum because we tried to ride to the supermarket after a few too many wines. I don’t mean sharing our misfortune in one situation that we had to endure that wasn’t enjoyable.
I mean, turning ourselves into victims, trying to get sympathy for our ongoing misery, while laughing about it to make sure we’re still socially accepted.
I mean, making it a competition who can put themselves through the most frustrating situations.
I mean, working and staying in a job that makes us go through our personal hell every single day. Instead of changing the job, it becomes our new party trick to talk about all the frustrating things that happen to us on a daily basis. And, at that stage, we probably exude enough negativity to attract every annoying request, every frustrated customer, every tricky task there is.
“When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”
Here is the thing: life is meant to feel good. Life IS good!
I’m not sure why this negativity gets under my skin. My frustration at the moment is that I hear so much of it, constantly, every day. That every positive thing I say, is met with at least three billion negative comments.
Maybe here is the tricky part for me: I’m fairly sure I used to go through life like that. I only functioned through the negativity in my life. It was mah thang! Everyone else might have been having a really good time at that party, but then there was me, one VERY sad face. It took a lot of work and many years to change that. And it wasn’t a breeze.
But, I took the red pill.
I decided to change. I decided to grow. I decided to make my life feel good. And it does feel good now. Being the party pooper did not feel good. I identified myself with it, so it was hard to let go of (that is how the mind works), but it had to be done. For me to Feel Good. For life to Feel Good.
We don’t have to be ‘realistic’ (that’s a good one.. but not really!), we don’t have to ‘face the facts’, it is our choice whether we concentrate on the negative, or on the positive. It might be your opinion that your life sucks (at the moment), it definitely is not a fact.
We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are.