I’ve been trying to put together my first ‘Feel Good’ post.
Already, I feel like a great writer: I wrote something, chucked it out, and decided to have a wine instead. I’ve gone from ‘Yes! Brilliant! Perfect! *mic drop*’ to ‘Nah. Delete.’
Then I felt sorry for myself because I tried to write a blog post for a whole 2 days and I’ve got nothing (everyone else is doing it – come on!) I tried to put something together from previous little notes, edited it a few times, edited it again, and again, and then chucked it out.
Who wants to read this anyway.
And then it came to me: that may be a little ridiculous.
I tend to do this. I expect way too much just a little too soon. For example, I expect to be perfect at something pretty much as soon as I decide that I want to be perfect at it. I don’t know how to actually acknowledge what I’ve done so far, and then go on to tackle the next hurdle with a great sense of accomplishment. And I know I’m not alone. I have a suspicion there is others out there who are their own worst critic. Others who don’t spend enough time celebrating their beautiful selves.
I always loved to write. I wrote some sad heartbroken poems as a teenager. I stumbled across a few the other day. Most of them are a tad dramatic and not worth mentioning. But to some of them I would still own up to now. (Ask me again after 10 years of continuous writing and blog posting.) Of course they were in German. (So that’s different!)
Now that I’m not quite so sad and heartbroken anymore, I like to write to free up my mind. I like to write to entertain. I like to write to reach out and connect, and maybe even help realise someone out there that life is meant to Feel Good.
So I decided to take it easy with all that swearing (I’m kidding, obviously. I do not swear. I’m German.) and give it a red-hot go.
Here I am. I’m here to share my story. I’m here to share my truth. I’m here to share whatever imperfections I currently have on offer *opens up exhibitionist jacket*
I am reaching out because connecting to you makes me feel less alone.
Sharing this with you lights up my heart.
It makes me Feel Good.
After all, I didn’t come here to do this all by myself.
We are in this together.
Instead of focusing on being a beginner writer writing in something other than my mother tongue; instead of focusing on not being where I want to be; instead of worrying whether anyone actually wants to read these words at all, I’ll focus on the positive, and take the chance to tell you a bit more about myself:
Three weeks ago I married my best friend and the man I’ve been chasing for the last seven years.
After years of living and working in different places, we now live in the same house, on a tropical island, where it’s always summer (I grew up in grey Germany).
I get to chase my new husband down the roads and around the gym.
Someone gives me $$$ in return for turning up at a job that doesn’t distract me too much from what is really important to me (husband, dog, laughing, sweating, writing blog posts).
My dog is really cute. (You’ll see.)
My house mates are sometimes funny. We live in an air-conditioned house. I get to drink my husband’s home-brewed beer. I get to cook vegan meals for a bunch of meat lovers.
Today I wrote my first blog post.